Collection of Old Poetry

so easy we thought
to find a weak spot 
how easy we were taught
pouring single words of love would be to 
reinforce an ideology 
that these simple things 
could fix a person

but now i wonder if:

would it be better to rip a chest open and plant a blossoming garden would be better then forcing shut a wound with treads of golden force

.

.

.
Pace, pace, pace

Rhythm of slapping feet

No where, no where

Oh I am just silent outside revenue

Tight throat;

Oh god I’m screaming

Validation, validated.

Please, daffodils, please

.

.

.

Words spoken as if

Vacant lots in a closed 
Down town

Was my manifest destiny

No means of translation 
Or altercations

Clear blue cruising day one

Sinking ships today

Tomorrow to today

“I love you I love you

Don’t forget that I love”

Seems a little bit more like

“I’m scared to let go”

.

.

.
Escaping an unraveling

Knotted tethered noose

Fingers clasped tightly

My grandmothers heart necklace

Throbbing little knots

Rug burn craving

Into weathered palms

Hold on just right.

.

.

.
Pressing my palms together

For a second searching for light

To fill fallen cracks with

Something that could fix it for some time

Waking mid-night to think again

About distant past memories

Tell myself once more

That this person I remember had past

I cover my naked cracks

Daffodils, pansies, and vermillion lilacs

I cover a stone statue 
With appearances of aliveness

A beautiful moment though is

When weeds begin to erode stone

Creating space between something once so cold

And replacing it with something so warm.

.

.

.

Throw me a line

Referring to the right word

Not the best nor

The worse at these things

Over and over

Pacing familiar halls

Opening and shutting

Similar feeling doors

Lock them once ajar

Self promises to

Never revisit this place

.

.

.

“Lipstick stained mugs

Breathe tinted with

Smoke and liquor

Sunsets and sunrises

Nothing more and nothing less

All I could ask from you is

Is to pour me a cup and lit the end

And stay for a chat ”

.

.

.

she had been a

forest craved out

set blazing bright

burnt and destroyed 

beauty and glory stolen

till one day

you met her at midnight

so careful to plant a new garden

.

.

.

“One day you’ll realize you can’t keep hating yourself

”
Peeled potatoes skins
”

Sliver slicing throw beige bodies

“You can’t hate yourself forever” 

11 and I have my first drink

A drink to forget turns into

Pills to not feel at 12

At 13, my stomach matches

The void of where a child use to be

And then 15 I fill myself with

Affections and love from forgien men

I am 18 now and I still am trying to

Figure out how to not hate myself

.

.

.

i am not a whole 
nor am i broken

but instead

I am many little people

strewn together

sometimes so tightly 
and in other

loose like lacey fabric 

i do not know how to feel about this

Here are 10 Quotes That Will Brighten Your Day

Here is a collection of uplifting quotes for your day! Hope the help out on this day you’re able to read it!

“Put your ear down close to your soul and listen hard.”
Anne Sexton 

“You are bound to go up and down, just as I did in my youth, but do keep your clarity of mind, and if fools or sages dare to criticise don’t blame yourself too much.”

F. Scott Fitzgerald, This Side of Paradise

“Be strong when you feel weak, brave when you are scared, and humble when you are victorious.”

Unknown 

“Pursue some path, however narrow and crooked, in which you can walk with love and reverence.”

Henry David Thoreau

“When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.”

Unknown

“Remember: when you talk, you only repeat what you already know. If you listen, you may learn something.”

Unknown

“Sometimes beautiful things come into our lives out of nowhere. We can’t always understand them, but we have to trust in them. I know you want to question everything, but sometimes it pays to just have a little faith.”

Lauren Kate, Torment

“To accept one’s past – one’s history – is not the same thing as drowning in it; it is learning how to use it. An invented past can never be used; it cracks and crumbles under the pressures of life like clay in a season of drought.”

James Baldwin

“You’re so calm and quiet, you never say. But there are things inside you. I see them sometimes, hiding in your eyes.”

Tracy Chevalier

“It’s been said that love finds you when you’re ready.”

James Patterson

Simple Self-Care Acts to Change Your Day

“I am a mom on a mission” has been my most used phrase lately- because really, my wheels never stop going. But after my recent vacation from work and social media I left with a lot of very, very important lessons. One was- the importance of really making sure my self-care routine is respected.

For the first year of my son’s life- man, did I really stop taking care of myself. There were times where I forgot when the last time a bathe was. Yikes, right?

So the last month I have dedicated myself to my self-care, but what if you’re on the go, busy bee?

One thing I do for myself is make sure my hair is done, my face is clean, and my teeth are brushed. You’re probably like, “wow that’s gross you have to remind yourself to do this.” But I’ve noticed that these three things are often popularly forgotten and need to put on higher respect.

If you suffer from depression- you probably understand this all to well. It is often to easily put off to the side for us who have depression. So how do I fit my minimalist self care into my life?

I made a 10 minute routine because the faster the better. Sometimes I even do all of them in the shower so all of it is taken care of at once. (Yes you heard that, I even brush my hair in the shower.) I motivate myself by telling myself that yes, I WILL feel damn well better after I do this. This is also repeated right before bed- minus the shower. Why? Because it’ll lend hand in starting the day feeling just a little less gross.

Another way to fit in a small but effective self care act is vitamins. I pledge allegiance to the magically power of vitamins. We’ve all tried to eat nutritionally, but even when we try we still don’t always manage to get the right amount of vitamins into our body- and man ever since I started taking my vitamins (I take 12 a day!) I have had more energy, my skin is better, my hair has grown like a weed, and my nails are longer than ever.

Nutrition is often forgotten when we discuss self-care- we will usually discuss the frills and decor of what self-care is- taking bubble baths, doing facial masks, and painting our nails- but that is not realistic daily self-care. This is not what gets us day to day- these are what I consider- luxury self-care.

One of my favorite ways to practice self care is to protect my mental status with grounding and mindfulness. Taking a second to remind myself that I am actually alive and not a zombie going through the motions. Taking ten minutes max to truly feel something and just be is the most important thing to me- out of all the things I have mentions. I will literally take a minute and smell these goddamn roses!

 

 

Why You Need To Embrace Bad Feelings

It could a general concensus that we are all completely and utterly over 2016. For most of us it could easily be said to be one of the hardest years. It was a year of sudden change- and some of us saw that in loss and tragedy.

For me, this year was long and hard. It has seemed to hit me hard every time I have gotten back up from the next one- it has tested my endurance as not only a business owner, but as a person.

One of the many, many lessons I learned to just embrace my feelings. In my gut I would get feelings- but then push them off as nothing. This in the end- one was of my deepest issues that this year has definitely put to bed.

When I learned how to just simply embrace and feel my feelings life seemed to go much better. And yes- this means my anger.

Somewhere in my life the idea that if I ignored my negative feelings then I wouldn’t ACTUALLY be feeling that way- and this become a deadly poison of my life. In doing this, I was actually holding onto my issues for longer, letting them fester until I popped.

So, while there were a lot of moments in this long year  I was angry (and oh yes, I am an angry person) I perpetually let it fester- thinking that this was a way to deal with it.

But recently, it’s clear to me that this is wrong. Wrong in so many level. So my advice?

Feel your anger, feel your despair, FEEL anything. And actually live in the moment. Don’t act on it- but feel it so you can release it. Your feels and energy you get are indictors of your text moves and what needs to go or stay.

How I Changed My Life- For the Best

For people who know me, they can testify for me about what a large life transformation I’ve gone through the last two years. I am much healthier, much happier, and so much more balanced. It’s taken me a really long time since getting clean to really detox from the addict mindset.

Even with being clean there was still that tricky, I-Am-More-Clever-Than-You attidude I had, which had a deadly mixture with all avoidance of the fact that I was in fact an addict.

After I quit- I thought that was the freeing card. No more work- what a fool was I ! Yes- that is right, my mind set was once I was clean it would all slowly fall into place.

So wrong- so totally freaking wrong.

It took me almost 6 long years to learn that if the change I wanted was to come- it was going to have to be achieved through my own sweat, blood, and tears.

So how did I change my life? I accepted I had fucked up- yes I fucked up. And to be honest- I was still messing up pretty bad.

When I finally did that- I was able to look into the mirror and really, really examine my choices and behaviors. And what struck me was: Even though I wasn’t using, I was still acting like an active addict.

It was now time to release all of those behaviors and self defeating thoughts I let clutter my life.

And that is what changed my life. Taking a real close look at myself in the mirror and not liking who I still was.

Why Being Spiritual Made Me A Better Mom

When I saw that plus sign- I knew it was going to get hard, harder than it had ever been for me. The hardest thing for me to keep balanced in my life was my patience and my temper. By no means has being patient ever been my best skill and to be honest, it was pretty much at zero percent mastered. To say the least, motherhood had been a very terrifying prospect for me.

Right before that plus sign I had exited an awful, toxic relationship that left me in need of healing more than ever. I found comfort and answers in my spiritual world more than ever. It taught me so much about balance, the gift of asking, and the power of my mindset. The sheer idea that my will could manifest all I wanted, and that it did. In those short months I had entirely rebuilt my goals and life- for the most part.

The issue was again, I had trouble with just how worried about my patience and temper. But I learned slowly, as I continued practicing mindful behavior, grounding techniques/ and mediating I handled issues being thrown at me. It was almost like the universe was giving me a crash course as to how to gain these such heavily valued skills for any new mother.

There is a funny thing about The Universe, and how it gives us what we need in such odd ways. I did my work for my patience and to finally grasp control on my temper. I was manifesting situations that gave me hands on experience with coping with everything.

Spirituality honed my intuitive nature, it helped me be able to more thoroughly feel my own feelings, helped me heal age old wounds- it helped me so deeply and prepared me for the moment my son was placed in my arms.

Due to my traumas I was a cold heart, miserable little child. I was selfish but in all the wrong ways. I learned from focusing on my spirituality that expressing feelings is not weak, but one of the strongest acts you can do.